I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
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