my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
Randomize