I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
Randomize
