I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
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