peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
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