He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
Randomize
