so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Randomize
