I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
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