dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
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