I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
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