my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
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