Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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