You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
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