Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
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