so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
Randomize
