She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
