Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
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