Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
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