K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
