why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize