She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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