all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
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