be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
Randomize