to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
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