I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
