Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize