so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
Randomize
