Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
I just found puke in my bra..
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
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