i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
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