And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
it glows. i had to have it.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
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