Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
Randomize
