I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
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