Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
Randomize
