You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
no more duck duck goose at the bar
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
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