Ha. No worries! So loud here &god I love drag queens! How does it happen, the congealing?
Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
Farmville is her only friend.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Randomize
