So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
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