you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
Randomize
