Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
