i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
I'm sobbing to NWA
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
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