I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
We have started to decorate penises.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
Randomize
