question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
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