What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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