im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
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