Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
