So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Randomize
