It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Randomize
