did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
