i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
