You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize