another moral hangover. fuck.
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
Randomize
