I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
Randomize
