if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Randomize
