so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
