I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
