dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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