My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
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