He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
Randomize
