would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
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