things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
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