Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
