I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
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