Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
