why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
Randomize