I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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